Fear is Magnetic

The other day I had the pleasure of celebrating my son's birthday with some of my family members at Disneyland. While we were there, one of those family members was being encouraged....ok, maybe prodded and bribed is more accurate... to get on a ride she was afraid to get on. We tried everything...we made appeals to her pride, we offered a special gift, we offered money, we even offered logic...but, none of these offerings were enough to spur on the courage required of her to face her fear. It made me laugh. Not at her, but at fear itself. It is ironic just how powerful fear can be, yet it is only powerful because we, ourselves, have given it power. We feed it energy. We feed it and it's force grows stronger and stronger, magnetically pulling more fears unto itself. Our fears, then, are multiplied. We said no to facing our fear of the roller coaster...then, later down the line, we say no to going after the person we love, traveling to the far-off places we want to see, or no to facing the challenges standing in the way of the life we want. We wall ourselves into a small existence.

It helps to see down the line. To see how giving in to fear on a small thing (with little risk) can open the door to a habit of fear. So much so, that the habit can even be passed down to your offspring. There are entire families whose members have all suffered the same types of phobias and anxieties because of some ancient ancestor's refusal to stand up to fear....I just know it. Why does it get passed down through so many generations without someone ever stopping it? I think it is because no one ever believed they could stop it. They did not believe they, themselves, had the ability to stop the reign of fear in their lives. How could they believe that? They were not even aware that they were the ones who let fear take over in the first place! I always say it to myself...awareness is the best gift you could ever give yourself. I really and truly believe that. If we are aware of where the fear is coming from, we will, then, become aware of the means to terminate it.

In my past life (when I was younger, that is), I was afraid of everything. I gave into fear almost all the time. Finally, the fear swallowed me up whole and I disappeared for a while. When my son was born, though, I reappeared. I thought long and hard about my addiction to fear and how it might be passed on to him if I didn't do something about it. I didn't want that for him. I didn't want him to learn the habit of fear. It is a daily struggle to break the habit. Just like with any other addiction, you have to take it day by day and every moment is a temptation. Struggle is not fun. It's not easy. But, when I get weary of the struggle, I remind myself of my son and the life I want him to have...one not shrunken by fear. And so, as exhausting as it may be sometimes...I am working to develop the habit of forcing myself to say "no" to fear. Some days I am victorious, other days not so much...I think the important thing, though, is to never give up the struggle.