Baby Blues

I realized something today. I've got a slight case of the baby blues. Any woman who has ever had a baby knows exactly what I am talking about. I feel similar to how I did during the first couple of weeks after having my son. See, I have just given "birth" to my book. Now, we are not one, but are two separate individuals. As such, it has left an empty space in my womb and is no longer connected to me. I cannot feel it swirling around and kicking inside of me. All the excitement and desire that I felt before this "baby" came has now turned to dread over whether or not I am ready to handle such a great responsibility. That is, am I ready to do the work. Late nights, busy days...trying to figure out how in the world I am going to help this fragile being make it in this world and knowing that I will be the one responsible for it's successes and failures. Such a great responsibility....so many opportunities to mess up! But, I am hopeful that the same things that got me past those initial blue days after my son's birth will get me through these days as well. These are: the love and encouragement of people close to me, the joy that magically comes from days spent living for someone other than myself, and the realization that everyone else is in the same boat. This is not something new. Thousands and thousands of years have past and are full of the history of people who have gone through the same thing....even people who were less prepared than I. Many people have attempted to write something that mattered to someone, hoping to add just a little pinch of salt to someone's life. So, I am not in this alone and that fact is very comforting.

Where I am right now:

I am going to finally be allowing some of the people I trust to read the book and will take any of their notes, critiques, comments and use them to make adjustments or improvements. This is the scariest part by far!!! It is always harder to share your work with people you know and love. Their words carry so much more weight than those of a stranger and, thus, the potential for getting emotionally injured is much higher. But, if I am seeking for honesty...I must seek it in full, not in part. For what good would it be to me (or anyone else) if I shared my book, first, with someone who might lie to me and tell me all the things I want to hear rather than the things I NEED to hear. No, it is better to take the risk and see things as they are, not as I hope them to be. So....that is what I will do, frightening though it may be!!! I'll let you know how I come out of it.