Perfect Moments: The Men in My Life

Today's moment...



Me, walking down the hallway from our room to the living room. All the lights off in the house. As I walk down, I hear my son singing a dreamy ballad-type song that he made himself, in a high-pitched, falsetto voice. I'm not sure what all the lyrics are, but I do hear him repeat the words "the magic in your heart" a few times. I follow his little voice until I reach the living room. There he is, looking out the window, up at the fireworks in the night sky. His daddy, standing next to him, also looking out the window. As I draw near, my husband and I share a look that says, "that's our son singing that beautiful little song in such a beautiful little voice." His dad, amused and proud. Me, on the verge of tears. Why? You mean, besides the fact that I am a woman?

Well, it is just one of those nights, one of those brief moments when you feel the fullness of the love you have for your child....it swells up in you...and you wish, "man, if only we could slow life down and keep him here, just as he is in this very moment." But, then, you realize that is impossible...and maybe a bit selfish. So, you try to take the moment in, take in every last bit, before it passes and becomes a memory that will come to visit you on those "firsts"---first days of kindergarten, first time he broke a bone, first time he walked home on his own, first time he drove the car, first day at college, first day he fell in love, first day he became a father...so many firsts---- when he takes those BIG steps away from being the kid singing in the window and closer to the man he will become. I love my son and I am just so thankful that I have lived long enough and was fortunate enough to have met him and hope I am fortunate enough to meet him in the future, once more, not as a child but as a man.

Perfect Moments: The Bath

Today's moment...

My son went to bed early today, so I decided to spend the extra time in the evening taking a nice, long bath. Lights off, except one candle. No music. I sat there for what seemed like forever, my thoughts drifting in and out of my mind until there were no thoughts left and my eyelids, then able to relax, slowly began to close. I found myself in that strange, in-between-sleep-and- awake stage where you know you are awake, you can hear what is going on around you, but at the same time you aren't really there. I felt peace....no worries....no tension in my body....nothing, just peace. I opened my eyes after a time and the thoughts came back, only this time they were quieter and kinder. I will have a good night's rest tonight. Thankful.

Perfect Moments: Chocolate

Today's moment....



After a routine day at home with my son, a little piece of chocolatey heaven to make the end of it sweet. Thank you to my husband who is thoughtful enough and has the foresight to buy me not one, but TWO, big organic, dark chocolate bars to hide away from Isaiah as a special..only for me treat:). Nice.

Perfect Moments: Deep Conversation with a 3 year old

Today's moment....



My son and I were eating dinner at the table when I was telling him about things I used to do when I was little. Then, he asked me if he was there and I told him no...that he didn't even exist at that time. He paused for a moment, then said, "Oh, so I was in your belly huh?" And I tried to explain to him again that he was not around at all when I was little. He looked at me with a crazy look and threw up his hands. "Well, then where the heck was I?," he asked. He had this baffled look on his face like he could not understand how there was a time when he didn't exist. Then, I could see the wheels turning. He continued, "How did I get here?" I could tell he wasn't looking for a birds and bees explanation, he was asking in a more philosophical tone of voice. He wondered how could something ever not exist.

Instead of answering right away and giving him my assumptions on the topic, I let him sit for a while and sort it out in his head. He came up with a few hypotheses. 1) Maybe mommy and daddy said, "abra cadabra" and used magic to make him appear 2) Maybe he existed in space somewhere before he was born 3) Maybe he was inside some food and he came out like a seed 4) Maybe he was an alien before and now he was a boy.

After he gave some of his own thoughts on the subject, I gave him a few ideas of what other answers other people have come up with in the past (e.g. the big bang theory, creationism, evolution, via actions taken by various gods). I didn't want to tell him one was right and the others wrong. I did not want to give him the assumptions/ideas I have come up with over time. I just wanted him to get an idea of what was out there so that he could compare them to his own ideas and have something to think on. He listened and then, after a short time, he put his foot up in the air and said...."Mom, look at my stinky feet!" It made me laugh. Although I am glad to see my son is getting old and wise enough to think about the BIG questions, I am glad he can still, simply, be a silly kid.

Perfect Moments: My Bed

Today's moment....

After a loooong day of traveling (and a VERY bumpy flight), we finally arrived at our home. I dropped my bags, took a shower to get that air-travel-skin scrubbed off, and plopped down face first onto my bed. There's something about being gone for a while and then reuniting with your own bed! It is the ONLY one that has a corresponding indentation for every part of your body so that it holds you in just the right way:). What a feeling! Although I enjoyed our trip, I am so glad to be back and to be so fortunate as to have a comfortable place to get a good night's sleep:)

Perfect Moments: Freestylin'

Today's moment...

It was late, we were all tired from a long day with family. We were driving back to Mississippi from Alabama and my husband and I were trying to explain the art of freestyle rapping to our three year-old. After a run down on the basics, our son gave it his best shot and though the lyrics weren't very....sophisticated...he had the heart and the rhythm to make up for it. Just hanging out in the car, the three of us, and sharing music we all mutually enjoy has been one of the best moments of our trip thus far.

Perfect Moments: Southern Sunset

Today's moment....



Me, sitting on the front porch, watching my son help his Grandma out by watering her lawn for her. Their two opposing silhouettes in the foreground and a Southern peach sunset in the background. The silent sound of empty country roads, accompanied by the gentle beating of a grateful heart.

Perfect Moments: A Change of Plans

Well, today is Mother's Day and as is customary for many, my husband, son, and I set out looking for a nice, Mother's Day meal. We woke up and decided to go to a particular brunch, but when we got there, we were told that the next available opening wasn't for another few hours!!! Then, we tried three other places and ran into the same problem. Apparently there are a lot of people who actually plan in advance and do reservations (what kind of people do that!!:) ). Well, we thought about giving up, but we happened to stumble upon a big line of people and followed the line to see what it lead to. To our surprise, it was a special, only on Mother's Day, event at the Disneyland Hotel. It was more than a buffet, there was a live band, bottomless champagne, and photo ops with Disney characters. It turned out to be such a decadent way to spend a Mother's Day. The important point here, for me, is sometimes you don't get what you plan for, sometimes you get more. And, sometimes you get less. But, in either case, we have EVERYTHING we need-- we are alive, we have food, we have clean water, freedom of speech, the ability to think and feel "love" or connection, and the list goes on and on and on if we pause long enough to read it.

Perfect Moment: The High

Went for a run today after having skipped a few days. That first mile after having skipped for a bit is always a killer. But, then after a certain point...something magical happens. You hit "the high" where you are in your own little world and there are no thoughts to distract or worry you. You feel like the best, strongest version of yourself....clarity of mind...like you could run forever and never tire. You hear, only your breath. You feel, only the ground beneath you. It is a wonderful, mind-freeing activity, which if you are someone like me and have difficulty turning off your over-thinking tendency, is a life saver. So thankful to have all my limbs and organs working properly enough for me to experience this kind of liberation. Thankful, also, for the time.

Perfect Moments: Me vs. The Bee

Today's perfect moment....



Today, my husband, son, and I went on an outing for the evening. As we were waiting in line, my son was dancing around (as usual) and singing...excited to be out and about. Suddenly, I noticed something crawling on the back of shirt. I got a closer look and realized it was a BEE!....precariously positioned an inch away from my son's neck. Now, if you know me....you should know that my usual response in such a situation would be ..."AAAAAHHHHH!"....and then, I would be running like a wild woman the opposite direction. Well, today...when I saw that the bee was so close to causing my son some serious pain, I freaked for a slight moment, but quickly regained composure and pretended like nothing was wrong so as not to alarm my son and cause him to move. Then, I flicked the bee off of him with my finger!! My son escaped, no sting and no idea that I had just saved his LIFE!!:)

ok, well...that's exaggerating a bit...but anyway

The point...the reason WHY this is the perfect moment of the day today...is, in that moment I thought of someone other than myself...at least, consciously, it seemed that way. Everything in me wanted to scream!!!! and get away, but I couldn't let my son get hurt. In that moment, I felt like such a MOM...fitting for this week, I guess. I will admit that I don't always feel like a MOM. Sometimes I have no idea what the hell I'm doing, sometimes I feel like I'm the greatest mom there ever was:). But, I know this....I would do everything in my power to protect my son from harm....I KNOW it. This is one of only a few things I can say that I am CERTAIN of. It is amazing... baffling even. The special bond between a parent and child...in most cases...is one of the things that makes it harder to accept and embrace the fact that this life will come to an end and with it, all the precious bonds we've experienced with the people in it. It is these moments when I am reminded to appreciate them while I can.

The Perfect Moment

I have been neglecting you, dear blog. Apologize, I do (my son is really into Star Wars right now:) ). But, it is a new month, a new day! I will be spending the month of May sharing my "perfect moment" of each day. By perfect moment, I mean--the times when the world stops turning for a brief second, long enough for you to see yourself and everything around you more fully and in silent stillness, the beauty in your life comes into focus and you experience the most profound sense of thankfulness.

Today's moment...

My son and I, after having a picnic on the City Hall lawn across the street, lying down on the grass, looking up at the sky, watching a weakened Santa Ana wind make the trees around us gracefully dance from side-to-side. The look of pure delight on my son's face accompanied by his gleeful giggle was reminiscent of the one he would send forth forcefully when he was still not yet able to talk, but was teeming with a desperate desire to communicate his excitement over newfound discoveries. Seeing him so genuinely happy, by something some may think so simple, made my heart swell.

Reflections

....just a regular cup o' joe? I think not....creativity can turn a cup of coffee into a work of art...

As promised, I wanted to write a brief reflection on last month's March Madness poetry run. I chose to do it because for some reason the creative monster inside of me had awakened. There are times in life when it seems like if you don't create something, pour yourself out into something...you will bust! That's what I was feeling...and it continues. I chose poetry to be my outlet because it is my first love. I forgot how much I loved it during my years in college and teaching....too busy. My life is so slow now, I have had time to fall in love once more. So thankful.

All that said, I gained two important gems from the March Madness experience. The first gem I gained is a better understanding of what matters to me. The topics I write on are the same things that are at the core of who I am....my love for my husband and my son, devotion, simple pleasures, and a desire for a more just, ethical world. The poetry that comes stems naturally from these things. The second gem? I learned that the most beautiful insights in life can come from the most mundane. There is meaning in every moment if we sit, be still, and create meaning. My challenge to myself was to write a new poem, everyday for the rest of the month of March. I did that. Now, my challenge to myself is to continue to create meaning from the mundane for the rest of my life. I am up to the challenge. And you?

Listen to the Trees...

I have just returned from an enchanted weekend spent in the company of an immense forest of wise evergreens. From the moment we reached the foot of the mountain, throughout our four-day retreat, and all the way back down again, I was greeted by the gentle lulling of the wind blowing through their pointed leaves. They used their flighty companion, the wind, to send down a message. It gently touched against my cheek and blew past each ear. Though there were numerous distractions that beckoned my attention, I could not tune out their poignant words. What was it? What was the message that they whispered down to me? It was a truth. One that chills to the bone and at the same time heightens one’s senses.

It was the truth that one day, I, like every other being that has breath, will perish and become part of the earth under their rooted feet. It was the inescapable truth that I am a mortal being. One need only to look at the grandeur and the sheer size of these pine-scented sages to see what a small, piece of the puzzle we are in this mystery called the universe. Is this something new? Of course not. It is the same message they have been speaking from the beginning of time. But, we forget. We spend our days running at a dizzying pace, filling the atmosphere around us with noise to drown their voice out. We avoid silence. We avoid stillness. We FEAR them. Why?

Because we know what they will say. We know that we will be reminded of our mortality and that is not agreeable to us. But, why should we fear it? Do the trees speak to us as though to taunt…like an older sibling does his brother when he gains permission to do something his younger brother cannot? No. Their voice is not one that taunts. It is not one that jeers. It is one that soothes. If you pay attention closely, you will hear it. In the rustling of their needles, you will hear the distinct sound of empathy. And if you train your ear with the greatest degree of excellence, you may even hear the sound of thankfulness. They are thankful to us, for everything is tied together. One thing does not exist without the other. Those tall, peaceful beings owe their height, in part, to us for they would not have the soil around their roots to nourish their growth if our bodies did not disintegrate into the dirt. And in their thankfulness, they, in turn, provide for us clean air, cool shade, and sober thoughts. So, rather than be afraid—rather than try to drown out their voice, maybe we should, instead, look to them and say…"Thank You" AND "You’re Welcome”.