As this is my first real attempt at blogging, let me begin by saying that I am a little frightened. It is a bit scary, especially for an introvert such as myself, to take the most intimate part of me (my thoughts) and put it out here for the rest of the world to see. However, as terrifying as it may be, it has become something that I feel compelled to do. I have lived a nice, comfortable, self-gratifying life for 29 years now. Lately, though, there has been something creeping its way into my thoughts and causing me to dare to step outside myself and that is.....death. Although it is an easy concept to understand, that everyday we live brings us that much closer to death, it is one that has taken me this long to really feel and connect to. Having many of my loved ones, friends, and heroes die within the last year or two has made it hit home to me, that I will not be here forever. Giving birth to and raising my son, also, has prompted thoughts of what will happen after I am gone, what kind of world will he grow up in? I guess, if you were Erikson, you could say I have hit the Generativity vs. Stagnation stage of life where one either chooses to care for and contribute to the generations to follow or to become stagnate, meaning there is a lack of movement or growth in their life that leads to disappointment and a sense of being unfulfilled. I certainly have the desire for the former rather than the latter. There is that drive for self-actualization that Maslow spoke of, to become more and more who I am. My interpretation of this is -- it is the alignment of my actions, words--my outward life--with who I know I am on the inside.
Now that you have a little taste of where, in life, I am coming from, let me get to the heart of the matter--the purpose for me beginning this blog. As our days here are small, so is our window of opportunity to touch the world and contribute something of worth to it. I will be 30 in exactly six months from today. Thirty is a number of great significance to some. In the Bible, it is the number of divine perfection or order. It is the age where David began his reign, where Ezekiel began to prophecy, the age Joseph was when he left prison to govern Egypt, the height of Noah's Ark in cubits, and where Jesus, himself, began his mission in life. Thirty also has a general significance in that most ancient peoples had months of 30 days and the distance of the Earth to the Moon is thirty times the diameter of the Earth. All that said, my desire is to create and contribute something or "somethings" that are 30-worthy.
This blog, for me, then, will serve as an open journal as I begin MY mission in life, that is, to add something beautiful and of worth to the cosmos. My first step? Finishing my novel. I have always wanted to tell a story about something very close to my heart, that is, children who don't have anyone to believe in and champion them. I am nearly finished with the first draft and the goal is to have it completed and published by my 30th birthday on January 19, 2010. You could say this blog is my countdown to 30 AND to the completion of my book. I will be tracking my steps and will be using those who read this as my means of accountability and maintaining focus. Hope you don't mind being used....we all use each other in one way or another, right? I figured, if I just tell myself I will do it, it won't have as much power or force behind it as it would if I said it aloud and announced it to the WORLD.
So that is it. This is the beginning of my journey. Encouragement, criticisms, contributions are welcomed and I hope that if you haven't thought about what legacy YOU want to leave behind, that this will provide some kind of impetus towards the search of your own mission.
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