American Dream

There is no rest for the weary
day turns into night
night turns into day

we are zombies, us all
walking through the streets with our breath sagging, our knuckles raw
from pounding against the steel of your vault
dark circles like swirls of smoke around our eyes
you've got us looking like raccoons
in a world run by buffoons
no prospects
no respect
so do we reject
the dream you've been selling?

dream
I wish I could
my eyes try and try
but my mind knows
if I rest I die
cause that's the way u made the game
and so I spend each day the same
watching my blacks turn grays
until I forge a new path out of the haze

and when I do
I will see what you didn't want me to see
that I don't need you... NO!...
you are the one who needs me
so there it is--now it is clear
why you spin the way you do,
why you got our hands stuck like glue
to the metal of the machine
but I wash my hands clean of the dream you are selling

instead I will blaze my own trail
one where you have not set me up to fail
and I will be the first
if I don't lose my thirst
if I don't let my eyes win
if I don't let the doubt in
if I don't hear you say
I cannot go that way
if I keep my mind clear
Then will MY dream be here
and, then, I will laugh at the sleep i lost
and how much of my life it cost
trying so hard to break into you
because I never even needed to

A Midnight's Dream

I had a dream
that you came for them last night
you carried them away on the wind
and left me alone on my bed
I cried, I pleaded, but my pleas fell dead on your ears
for you cannot hear
you cannot see
what you leave behind
the destruction done
the crack in the earth's crust
that leads to the depths of
our deepest fears and regret
I wish I could forget
you exist but you will not allow it
for I see you as you pass me on the street
and I see you in the distant stare found in the eyes
of the ones I love
as they look above
at the stars that light up the dark night
reminders, again, of how even the most
grand and brilliant ones
eventually lose their shine
his, hers, and mine
you come to us all
but not tonight
tonight you were a dream I could wake myself up from
and tuck away in the trunk of things better left
for the proper time
when, both, reason and rhyme
are nowhere to be found

Wait for Sunrise

For those who believed the night would never end....

I remember when I was a little girl asleep in my bed
With the night came shifting shadows and scary visions in my head
And it always seemed as though, the night would never end
but, morning always ushered in the light of a bright friend

Those same shifting shadows came to visit you, they messed with your head
They whispered things one shouldn't hear while crying alone in one's bed
And to you it seemed as though the night would never end
Wish you would have waited until morning came my friend

Wish you would have waited for just one more sunrise
Maybe you would've seen, life's better than it seems
Wish you would have waited for just one more sunrise
I'm sure you would've seen, life really is a dream

Coconuts!

It hit me like a million coconuts last night. I had no idea what the heck I was doing when I started this endeavor. As I review the story I put down, I realize it is not quite the story I had hoped for. Far from it, in fact. I didn't want to see it as I was writing, but there is no escaping it now. I let the story get away from me. I rushed the process and I skipped corners (somewhat unconsciously) to get something "done" by my 30th birthday. Now, though, I am faced with a question. Will I be satisfied by just having "something" done by the deadline I had originally set even if it is not a "30-worthy something?" I think the answer, for me, is no. Certainly not.

And sooo...the announcement. I have changed my deadline -- a six month extension. Now, the goal for me is to get the story I REALLY want...in the format of my choosing..down on paper by the end of July 2011. It is a little disappointing to me. But, this is life. Life NEVER goes as planned and if it did....would it be any fun? Would we ever grow, would we ever learn? So, yes. It is a little disappointing, but at the same time...I am learning soooo much. Not just about what it takes to write a real story either. I am learning about me -- my strengths, my limitations, my fears, my dreams, my values.

I want to learn more, though. I am not the world. I want to learn about the world and the people in it. To take the time to be an astute observer and appreciate the various operating systems at work. There is so much to learn...isn't that fantastic? I hope I never get to the point where I can say I have learned it all for that would only mean that I gave up. I do not want to give up.

He shines his little light

In a few days, my son will be turning three. Although there are no words in this world that quite capture what I think about and feel for my son, I can say this:

I love my son. He is the most precious thing on this earth to me. The other day, he fell asleep in my arms just like he used to when he was a little baby. I just looked down at that beautiful, round face and was thankful for that moment. There will only be a few more of those moments before he gets to be too big and doesn’t want to be comforted in my arms like a baby. That brings a bit of sadness, but also it makes me cherish these very priceless moments. I wonder if he will grow up and know just how much I really love him, how much I want to give him a good life, how hard his mommy (and daddy) tried to give him as many precious and meaningful experiences as possible. I just want good things for him--for him to have everything and still be thankful and kind-hearted. He is a glorious soul, filled with so much innate wisdom, understanding, tenderness, and joy. May he never lose that joy, that bright spirit that lights up the world. This world can bring sorrow, can bring pain, and fear, I pray it never touches him. But if it does, I pray he has been given something by God and us to keep him strong and to help his heart to remain light. Thank you, thank you for this gift, this wonderful gift of being able to feel this much love and want these things for someone other than myself. I’m blessed. We’re blessed, baby son, to have you and feel the warmth you bring to a sometimes cold and lonely world.

This is a lullaby song for my son who, when he was born, came out with two of the biggest feet you'll ever see on a newborn!!:):

When you came into this world, all that I could see
Was a head full of hair, and two big, little feet
They were just like your daddy's, so strong and so wide
And as I watched him hold you, I smiled as I cried
And I said,

Where will those feet take you son, where will those feet go
Will they take you somewhere grand, I surely do hope so
I hope that they will guide you to follow your dreams
And if you should stumble, somewhere down that street
I know you'll always land back on, those two big, little feet

He's got a million dollar smile and his little curls
He loves his Michael Jackson, dinosaurs, and girls
He's getting so big now that it's hard to believe
That I once held in one hand, those two big, little feet
And I still say,

Where will those feet take you son, where will those feet go
Will they take you somewhere grand, I surely do hope so
I hope that they will guide you to follow your dreams
And if you should stumble somewhere down that street
I know you'll always stand back on those two big, little feet

I love you papas!